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Getting Older, Senior Citizen Jokes, Geriatric Humor

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1. God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

2. Now that I'm older, here's what I discovered: I STARTED out with nothing...I still have most of it.

3. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?

4. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

6. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

7. If all is lost, where is it?

8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

9. The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.

10. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

11. It was all so different before everything changed.

12. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

13. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

14. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

15. I wish the buck stopped here...I could use a few.

16. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

17. It's hard to make a come-back when you haven't been anywhere.

18. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

19. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

20. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

21. Health is only the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

22. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

23. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else seems to wear out, fall out or spread out.

24. There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory; the other two, I forget.

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