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Sign of The Times Jokes, Getting Older Humor
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Sacred cows make the best burgers.

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Fortune tellers are for the poor. Psychics are for the rich.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The trouble with life is, you're half way through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the armchair.

The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies!

No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.

Sometimes you laugh until you cry, and sometimes you cry until you laugh.

If your not living life on the edge, your wasting space.

People who say 'Don't Postpone Joy' are usually in outrageous credit card debt.

If you lost your left arm, your right arm would be left.

It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.

A friend in need is a friend indeed, But a friend with weed is better.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.

They say the grass is greener on the other side, but have you ever flipped it over?

Mankind is divided into two classes: those who earn their living by the sweat of their brow, and those who sell them handkerchiefs, cold drinks, and electric fans.

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