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Are You Hungry, Intravenous Therapy, IV Jokes & Humor

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A guy wakes up in the hospital. A nurse comes in and says, "Don't try to talk. You were in a car accident, and your jaw was badly broken. A surgeon fixed it and wired it shut, and you won't be able to open your mouth for at least 5 weeks."

"Oh, my God," the guy says, through clenched teeth. "How will I eat?"

"We'll feed you intravenously," the nurse says. "We'll just stick a needle in your arm and ..."

"NO, DON"T, PLEASE!" the man hisses loudly. "I'M TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES! I'd rather have my front teeth broken out, and eat mush if I have to!"

The nurse pauses, and says, "Let me go get the doctor."

A while later, the doctor comes in, and says, "I hear you're afraid of needles."

The patient says, "Absolutely. Please, Doc, do anything, just don't stick me with a needle, please!!"

The doctor says, "Well, if you really want, we can feed you using the enema approach. We just fill up your intestines through the borro entrance, rather than the top. Are you hungry? Want something now?"

The guy says, through still-clenched teeth, "Boy, I sure am. I'm starving."

Fifteen minutes later, the nurse comes in, rolling an IV stand with 2 bags hanging from it. "Well, we';ve got some chicken soup, and some chocolate milk here for you. Which one do you want to start with?"

"The chocolate milk," he says. "I love chocolate milk."

"Okay," she says, putting a tube with an enema nozzle on that bag. Now, I had them microwave it some, so it wouldn't be so cold, but it got a little bit hot. So we can wait, or you can try it now."

"Oh, I like hot chocolate," he says. "Let's try it now."

"Okay. here goes." She greases up the nozzle, slides it in, and turns to the valve on the tube. "If it's too hot, just let me know, and I'll stop it."

She opens the nozzle. Five seconds later, he screams, "NURSE!! NURSE!!"

She immediately closes the nozzle and says, "What's wrong? Was it too hot?"

"No," he says. "But it's not sweet enough!"

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Last updated by Andrew Lopez, RN on Monday, January 25, 2010


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