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Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 1), Labor & Delivery Jokes

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Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs?
A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control?
A: A misconception.

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex just once a year.

Q: What is a chastity belt?
A: A labor-saving device.

Q: When does a woman's biological clock start ticking?
A: Right after she looks in the mirror and thinks, "On my God, crow's feet!"

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: Should I have a baby after 40?
A. No, 40 children is way too many already.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman's memory?
A: Most of the ladies I asked don't remember.

Q: My breasts, rear end & even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A: Depends on what your doing with them.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Cause you're fatter then they are.

Q: My wife is 5 months pregnant and so moody that she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?
A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.

Q: What are forceps?
A: Giant baby tweezers.

Q: What's the best way to get a man to give up his seat to a pregnant woman?
A: Brute force.

Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped?
A: He/She will start crying. Be more careful!.

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there a reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" is a concern for you.

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Sum Ting Wong, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wong

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My Baby Has A First Name, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/name

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Bringing Home A Second Wife, Marriage Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/second

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Expecting Twins, Blonde Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/twins

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Pregnancy Dictionary, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dictionary

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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You're Not Sterile! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sterile ******************************************************

How Much Will It Hurt, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics & Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hurt

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Baby Names, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/baby

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Sharing The Pain of Childbirth, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sharing

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Four Expectant Fathers, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fathers

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If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pregnant

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Top Ten Fatal Things to say when your wife is pregnant, Labor & Delivery Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fatal

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Lamaze Class:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lamaze

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It Can't Be Mine! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Paternity Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mine

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Breastfeeding Technical Support, Medical Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breastfeeding

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Breastfeeding Humor and Nursing Tales:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter.html

Extremely Discreet Nursing:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_stories_discreet.html

Top 5 List of Things NOT To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound:
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q3/ultrasound.html

It Ain't All Playing Golf . . .
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/scis.170.html

See also: Cocaine, Substance Abuse & Drug Addiction Links, Infertility, Contraception & Fertilization, Labor and Delivery, Obstetrics Jokes, Humor Links, Labor-Delivery-Obstetric Nursing, Labor and Delivery Management Nursing Jobs, Miscarriages, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurses, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Management Nursing Jobs, Obstetric Nurses, Obstetrics Staff Nursing Jobs, Pregnancy Nurse Entrepreneurs, Premature Infants, Low Birth Weight Babies

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