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Quick Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 2), Labor & Delivery Jokes

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Last updated by Andrew Lopez, RN on Monday, January 25, 2010


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Q: I'm modest. Once I start to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A: Authorized hospital personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A: It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it's way out of you

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy

Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for

Q: When should a baby not be circumcised?
A: When it's a girl.

Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A: In your breasts

Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A: Yes, baby lips

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks

Q: What is the grasp reflex?
A: The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first

Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A: They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in case of global chemical warfare

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly

Q: What is colic?
A: A reminder for new parents to use birth control

Q: What are night terrors?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again

Q: Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband will most likely get on your nerves

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to act normal?
A: Possibly when the kids are in college

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