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Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Obstetrics Humor
Pregnancy Dictionary

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Funny how words take on new meanings when you're expecting!

AFTERBIRTH: When the hard part begins.

CRAVINGS: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

DILATION: One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's or midwife's word for.

ELASTIPHOBIA: Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."

FIRST TRIMESTER: The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"

MATERNITY CLOTHES: What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.

MIRACLE: 1. The birth of a baby. 2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.

OBSTETRICIAN/MIDWIFE: The person who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.

PREGNANT PAUSE: The amount of time it takes for a 9-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.

PRENATAL: When your life was still your own.

SECOND TRIMESTER: The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"

THIRD TRIMESTER: The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"

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