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Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor,
Things My Mother Taught Me

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· My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

· My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

· My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

· My mother taught me LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why."

· My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

· My mother taught me IRONY

"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

· My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

· My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

· My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

· My mother taught me about WEATHER

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

· My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

· My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

· My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

· My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"

· My mother taught me about ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

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