Nursing & Healthcare Directories
Nursing & Medical Jokes & Humor,
You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If

The Shortcut URL To This Section Is http://www.nursinghumor.com/midwife

Our Joke Archives Are Available for Download, Click here For More info

See Also: Brain Teasers, Casinos, Gaming, Entertainment, Dating, Internet Personals, Free Stuff, Freebies, Games, Inspirational Stories, Smiles, Joke Mailing Lists, Movies, Videos, DVDs, Music, MP3s, Online Concerts, Ticket Sales & Tickets, Travel Agencies

Nursing Topics, A to Z: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, K L, M, N, O, P, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
Nursing Degrees, LPN-RN, RN-BSN, RN-MSN, Associate, Bachelors, Masters and more!
Free Downloads, Games, Software, and more!

To subscribe, send a blank email to: nursingjokes-subscribe@topica.com

******************************************************

You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If . . . .

If you use more super glue on women's bottoms than your broken china.......you might be a midwife

If you've ever crocheted with an amni hook.......you might be a midwife

If you carry more tanks in you car than a Jacque Cousteau documentary.......you might be a midwife

If you hear "doppler" radar on the Weather Channel and your ears perk up.......you might be a midwife

If you've recommended Castor Oil more times that the local Quick Lube.......you might be a midwife

If your idea of "seeing the head coming" doesn't refer to your beer.......you might be a midwife

If it takes a hour to get dressed to go out yet 45 seconds to get dressed in the middle of the night.......you might be a midwife

If you talk about seeing the "crown" and you weren't at Buckingham Palace.......you might be a midwife

If you've had your picture taken so many times with babies you should be running for office.......you might be a midwife

If there are more ways to reach you than the local fire department.......you might be a midwife

If you can actually name more than three African drum bands.......you might be a midwife

If you know that "post partum" doesn't mean your fence is coming apart.......you might be a midwife

If you've ever been called by a neighbor with a farm animal in labor.......you might be a midwife

If the color of you car is unrecognizable because of all the bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife

If you refuse to sell you junky run down car because you'll lose your bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife

If you think c-section should only be the cheap seats at a ballgame.......you might be a midwife


If you know that a fetoscope does not measure shoe size.......you might be a midwife


If the 36,000 mile/3 year warranty on your brand new car actually means less than one year.......you might be a midwife


If your tires are going bald faster than your husband.......you might be a midwife


If you think the only use for forceps is as salad tongs.......you might be a midwife


If you've made more great catches than Chipper Jones.......you might be a midwife


If you know that a lie is not where your golf ball lands.......you might be a midwife


If you think that a "tail back" is a new kind of birthing position.......you might be a midwife


If you know a cesarean is not a salad.......you might be a midwife


If your idea of a vacation is taking a car ride outside your beeper range........you might be a midwife


If you know that a pinard horn is not a musical instrument.......you might be a midwife


If you think the only way to measure centimeters is by spreading your fingers.......you might be a midwife


If you get more calls from ladies with broken water than the local plumber.......you might be a midwife


If you've ever ran out of gas and used a breast pump and catheter as a siphon.......you might be a midwife


If you've ever used cord clamps as hair curlers........you might be a midwife


If you've ever used a speculum to put on a tight pair of shoes.......you might be a midwife


If you can eat cherry jello while watching a birth film........you might be a midwife


If you talk about yeast infections like they're dairy products........you might be a midwife


If you've ever put on a latex glove to remove the stuffing from a turkey.......you might be a midwife


If you have more hemostats in you glove box than a Grateful Dead fan.......you might be a midwife


If you think Deliverance is a childbirth movie........you might be a midwife


If you refer to your beeper as "my home phone".........you might be a midwife


If you discuss adhesions with your family at the dinner table........you might be a midwife


If you know that perineal support is not a kind of stocking.......you might be a midwife


If you consider a pair of black Birkenstocks "formal wear".......you might be a midwife


If your realize that "breeches" are not a southern man's trousers........you might be a midwife


If you know that ultrasound is not a fancy stereo........you might be a midwife


If you've ever stopped on your way to a birth and someone has looked in your car and asked "Are you Moving?"........you might be a midwife


If you've ever gotten out of a speeding ticket by actually showing the state trooper a placenta........you might be a midwife


If you thought the movie "Catch-22" was a story about a month in a very busy midwife's life........you might be a midwife


If your idea of a color coordinated birthing outfit is matching the blood stains on your sweat shirt with the blood stains on your sweat pants........you might be a midwife


******************************************************

******************************************************

Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."

******************************************************

Stern Sibling, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Sibling Humor:"An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/stern

******************************************************

Quick Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 2), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/faq

******************************************************

Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 1), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/birth

******************************************************

Sum Ting Wong, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wong

******************************************************

My Baby Has A First Name, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/name

******************************************************

Bringing Home A Second Wife, Marriage Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/second

******************************************************

Expecting Twins, Blonde Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/twins

******************************************************

Pregnancy Dictionary, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dictionary

******************************************************

A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

******************************************************

You're Not Sterile! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sterile

******************************************************

How Much Will It Hurt, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics & Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hurt

******************************************************

Baby Names, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/baby

******************************************************

Sharing The Pain of Childbirth, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sharing

******************************************************

Four Expectant Fathers, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fathers

******************************************************

If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pregnant

******************************************************

Top Ten Fatal Things to say when your wife is pregnant, Labor & Delivery Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fatal

******************************************************

Lamaze Class:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lamaze

******************************************************

It Can't Be Mine! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Paternity Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mine

******************************************************

Breastfeeding Technical Support, Medical Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breastfeeding

******************************************************

Breastfeeding Humor and Nursing Tales:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter.html

******************************************************

Extremely Discreet Nursing:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_stories_discreet.html

******************************************************

Top 5 List of Things NOT To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound:
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q3/ultrasound.html

******************************************************

It Ain't All Playing Golf . . .
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/scis.170.html

******************************************************

See also: Cocaine, Substance Abuse & Drug Addiction Links, Infertility, Contraception & Fertilization, Labor and Delivery, Obstetrics Jokes, Humor Links, Labor-Delivery-Obstetric Nursing, Miscarriages, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurses, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Management Nursing Jobs, Obstetric Nurses, Obstetrics Staff Nursing Jobs, Pregnancy Nurse Entrepreneurs, Premature Infants, Low Birth Weight Babies

A Guide To Quacks Scams_20 | Abortion Pro Choice_22 | Adoption Adopting_14 | Anatomy of Pregnancy_1 | Anesthesia Anesthesiology_1 | Associations_44 | Babies Baby Toddlers_20 | Baby Clothing Resale_6 | Baby Contests_1 | Baby Diapers_11 | Baby Names_7 | Baby Products_49 | Baby Supplies_10 | Birth Announcements_14 | Birth Defects_11 | Breast Feeding_21 | Calendars_6 | Child Birth Methods_39 | Child Care Day Care_4 | Child Safety_1 | Childhood Diseases_3 | Childrens Products_1 | Clothing Apparel_1 | Complications_14 | Consumer Reviews_8 | Cord Blood_4 | Crib Injury Death_11 | Diet Nutrition_3 | Disabled Disabilities_1 | Discussion Forums_4 | Early Learning_1 | Educating Your Child_2 | Exercise Fitness_1 | Family Parenting_3 | Family Planning_8 | Father Support_5 | Freebies_7 | Gastrointestinal_1 | General Health Portals_10 | Gift Giving_7 | Growth and Development_1 | Gynecology Gynecologists_1 | Health Insurance_3 | Health News_2 | High Risk Pregnancies_1 | Home Diagnostics_2 | Hospitals Medical Centers_14 | Immunization Vaccination_3 | Infant Massage_6 | International_5 | Labor Delivery Nurses_1 | Mailing Lists Discussion_1 | Maternity Clothing_18 | Medical Associations_2 | Medical Informatics_1 | Medical Reference_4 | Mens Health Infertility_1 | Midlife Pregnancies_1 | Midwives Midwifery_32 | Miscarriage_5 | Money Management_2 | Morning Sickness_1 | Mother Specific Sites_18 | Neonatal Intensive Care_1 | Neonatal Nursing_1 | Neurological_1 | Nursing Authors_1 | Nutrition_3 | Obsetrics Gynecology_24 | Pain Management_2 | Parenting And Pregnancy_43 | Pediatrics Children_2 | Personal Homepages_3 | Post Partum_1 | Postpartum Depression_2 | Pre Perinatal Care_3 | Pregnancy Books_2 | Pregnancy Loss_12 | Pregnancy Portals_24 | Pregnancy Tests_4 | Premature Preemies_14 | Prenatal Education_3 | Preschool_1 | Relationships_2 | Respiratory Diseases_1 | Right To Life_3 | Shopping Online_5 | Single Mothers_1 | State Specific_24 | Stay At Home Parents_5 | Support Sites_4 | Surrogacy_21 | Teen Pregnancies_2 | Twins Multiples_35 | Ultrasound Obstetric_3 | Unplanned Pregnancies_1 | Womens Health_19 | Working Mothers_6 | 998 Distinct Links

******************************************************

See also:

******************************************************

******************************************************

******************************************************

******************************************************

Google
 
Nursing Topics, A to Z: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, K L, M, N, O, P, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z

To subscribe to our:

Nurse Friendly Notes Newsletter:

Send a blank e-mail to: nursefriendlynotes-subscribe@topica.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com

Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor, Jokes to make you laugh and smile all day.

Send a blank email to: nursingjokes-subscribe@topica.com
http://lists.topica.com/lists/nursingjokes/

Clinical Nursing Cases:

Send a blank message to: clinicalnursingcases-subscribe@topica.com
http://www.nursingcasestudy.com

Inspirational Stories:

Send a blank e-mail to: inspirationalstories-subscribe@topica.com
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com

If your website is not listed here, we encourage you to submit it: Add Your Website/URL.

See also:

Nursing Degrees, LPN-RN, RN-BSN, RN-MSN, Online/Offline College, University and more!:"Higher income. Career mobility. Now, no matter where you live or what your schedule, you can earn your Associate or Bachelor Degree to take your professional life to the next level — without putting the rest of your life on hold!"

If you do any Browsing or Windowshopping online, please visit our online Mall:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/shopping/

Gifts For Nurses:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/gifts/

4nursinguniforms.com:"Choose from Top Nursing Uniform Companies. All sizes, styles and popular name brands available. Large selection of accessories as well: Accessories Blood Pressure Cuffs, Sphygnomanometers Nursing Tote Bags, Carry-Ons, Medical Bags Clinical, Medical Supplies, Nurses Discount Outlet: Angels, Books, Clothing , Equipment, Figurines, Holidays, Home Decor, Jewelry, Nurses, Office Decor, Scrubs, Shoes, T-Shirts Footwear, Shoes, Sandals, Discount, Bargains Gifts For Nurses (Nurses Week) Hosiery, Socks, Stockings Hats, Jackets, Jumpers Jewelry, Earrings, Necklaces, Watches Luxury Spas, Facials, Manicures, Pedicures Perfumes, Fragrances, Phermones Shoes, Boots, Sandals, Footwear, High Heels, Slippers Stethescopes, Nurse Kits, Replacement Parts Swimwear (Tan-Through) Women's Lingerie "
4nursinguniforms.com

Surprised? eBay Has Nursing Supplies, scrubs, uniforms, stethescopes, etc.:"You can find nursing supplies right here! With over 5 million items for sale every day, you'll find the nursing supplies you're looking for at the world's online marketplace - eBay!"
http://www.nursefriendly.com/ebay/

Nurses' Station:"The idea for the Nurses' Station Catalog was conceived in 1989. After searching the marketplace in response to customer inquiries, it became obvious that there were no catalogs of this type serving the nursing profession. To be sure, there were several catalogs offering nurse's uniforms and a smattering of professional items. But there weren't any catalogs at the time offering a range of gifts, clothing, professional items, name badges, shoes and scrubs for nurses. It took two years of hard work to gather samples and put a together a catalog of the most unique and high-quality items for nurses."
Nurses Station P.O. Box 388 Centerbrook, CT 06409-03881
http://www.nursefriendly.com/station/

Nursing In The Media, Nursingadvocacy.org

NursingHumor.com (homepage)